BE NICE, I’M DEAD by Aramashot Babayan, translated by Nishan Parlakian Characters DARIN, a pensioner SOFIE, his neighbor ROBERT, his older son ALEX, his younger son LILY, Robert’s wife ANGELA, Alex’s wife DAVID, Sophie’s son ROSIE, David’s wife DOCTOR, physician attending Darin Setting The time is the present. The action is set in Yerevan, Armenia. Act I A modestly furnished home in an old building soon to be demolished. A table cluttered with unwashed dishes and silverware, giving the impression that a party has taken place recently. An apparently paralyzed DARIN sits in an easy chair with his eyes glued to the door impatiently waiting for SOFIE, his neighbor. After a moment, as though reviving in spirit, Darin debates with himself in soliloquy. DARIN Soon they’ll be popping in—all excited and agitated—from here and there to see their paralyzed father. But you Darin, did you really figure things out clearly? Are you being cruel in what you’re doing? But how long am I going to stay in these four walls all alone? You’ve got sons, daughters-in-law, grandchildren. And still my aching heart hopes someone will come through that door for a visit. And when they do, it’s for a half hour. They stand about fluttering and flitting here and there and patronize me with a yes poppa, of course poppa. Then they give me a kiss and a blessing and bye, bye. And I sit here for weeks again and wait. And once a year, they gather for my birthday party, like when they came yesterday. They sang, danced, wished their father long life and left…And the table…they didn’t clear it off. Who can take this kind of life? I can’t anymore. I want to see my grandchildren play and hear my sons talk and my daughters-in-law laugh. They’ll have to forgive me for faking paralysis so I can get to live with them. So, I’m wrong for doing this. If I had been a good salesman, I would have talked them into giving me my dream a long time ago. Ah, but it’s better done this way. They’ll come, see my condition and goodbye to my cold and lonely life. (DARIN, having stood despite his apparent incapacity, throws himself into the armchair upon hearing footsteps and assumes his former paralyzed manner. A concerned SOFIE enters quickly) SOFIE How are you, brother Darin? DARIN (In a musical voice, ironically.) I’m still breathing. SOFIE No, no. You’re all right. You’ve passed the worst of it. DARIN Did you telephone my family? SOFIE Yes. I told them their father’s gotten paralyzed. DARIN You said it just like that? You probably scared the life out of them. SOFIE So, should I have told them some sort of pleasant fairy tale? Your son Alex started begging me: “Momma Sofie, don’t leave his side. I’ll be right over with my brother.” And your daughter-in-law Angela gave me a hard time: “But poppa was singing and dancing at his birthday party only yesterday.” I said: “Angela, I don’t know how it happened. I dropped in on him and saw that his arms and legs had gotten weak and he was gasping for air.” DARIN Gasping? What gasping? SOFIE What do you know? You were out cold. You didn’t say two words in a half hour. You had just gotten your speech back. When I came in the first time, I had the shock of my life. Your chin was twisted, your eyes watery; you’d swallowed your tongue. If I’d come in a little later, you’d have been a guest in the next world. And you thank me by grumbling. DARIN I’m eternally grateful. SOFIE Are you hungry? DARIN No. SOFIE Do you have to go? DARIN Go where? SOFIE I mean, do you have pressure? Do you want to lighten yourself? DARIN Uh, no. SOFIE We’ve been neighbors for fifty years. You don’t have to be ashamed. Think of me as your sister. I’ll bring the pan. Lighten up. DARIN No, no. I already… SOFIE You did? Good. Bless you. That means your illness isn’t serious. Between you and me, I’ve seen a big change in you in this one hour. Sometimes it seems that you’re completely well. If you continue to improve like this, you’ll soon be on your feet. DARIN I fell that way too. SOFIE What a pity. We won’t be neighbors much longer. DARIN Why not? SOFIE Your sons won’t let you come back here after they take you away. DARIN Well, I suppose you’re right. After all, they’ve asked me, begged me to live with them a hundred times, I used to worry that I’d be too much trouble, be a burden on them. SOFIE Listen, my friend. You’re not dependant on them for bread or water. Your pension is adequate for you. And you’ve enough to spare of it for them. But I don’t think they can get you a free servant like me. These days good help costs more than a cheap doctor. And you can’t find decent help even if you’re willing to pay. Eh, but maybe you’re thinking of a way to get yourself a free servant. DARIN I don’t know what you mean. SOFIE A wife. You want to get married, huh? DARIN Shame on you. You think I’d go and find someone new to love after all those years with my dear departed wife Natalie? SOFIE Well, you must be hinting at something when you start looking like a dead tree stump. You’ve got to shape up whether you like it or not and give up living like a hermit. Now if you ask me, that’s the cause of your illness. DARIN What is? SOFIE Loneliness. Longing. That’s what’s paralyzed you. DARIN Then you think I should go with my sons…and stay. SOFIE Don’t tell me you wouldn’t want to stay considering your condition. DARIN No, no. I’d stay without a doubt. But with whom should I stay? SOFIE There’s room for you wherever you want to go. Thank God the government has given your sons ample space. Each of them has four or five rooms. DARIN But if I got o my older son’s place, the younger one gets hurt. If I go to the younger one’s, the older one gets annoyed. SOFIE You go to the one who’s first to say: “Poppa dear, I’m taking you.” DARIN I guess you’re right. SOFIE Then by turns: for a while with the older, then with the younger. And what about your daughter-in-laws? They won’t make trouble, will they? DARIN What are you talking about? They love me more than my sons do. SOFIE I’ll bet. They love you so much, they left you to clean up after yesterday’s party. DARIN No harm in that, Sofie. They’re young. Sometimes they forget. Do me a favor before they get here. Clean off the table, will you? SOFIE You’ll have to excuse me this time. My father used to say: “Better give them sass than be an ass.” They do the eating and I get the beating. No sir. DARIN But like this…it’s a shame. SOFIE Whoever’s to blame should clean up his shame. DARIN Sounds like someone’s coming. SOFIE (Looking out the window.) It’s only David and my daughter-in-law. She picked up the children form kindergarden. DARIN My people are late in coming. SOFIE They need time to think things through. They’ve probably deciding whose house you’re going to stay at, what room you’ll settle into. Eh, brother Darin. Everybody who used to live around here is gone. You and I are the oldest ones left. And now you’re going. Ah, but even if you stayed, we would have been separated one of these days. Soon they’ll be tearing down these houses. DARIN Ah yes. This was a wonderful neighborhood once. Little by little, they relocated most of us. Sent us all over the map. SOFIE Darin, look this way, will you? Your jaw goes out of joint; then straightens out. There. Right now, it went out. DARIN Huh. I didn’t feel anything. SOFIE Fine, then. That means you can’t be that sick. Sometimes you seem fine, sometimes you look so-so. All right, I’m going now. (She exits.) DARIN I’m lucky she didn’t notice. I’ve got to watch my step or I’ll be caught in my act. But getting paralyzed before cleaning off the table was stupid of me. He quickly goes to the window, then hastens to take the soiled plates to the kitchen. He returns with a tray to clean off the rest of the table but, when he nears it, SOFIE appears in the doorway. SOFIE (Surprised.) What? Are you well? (DARIN, caught in his error, stands immobile. Then, as though he has not seen Sofie, he shakes all over, drops the tray and falls flat on the floor.) DARIN Ooh! SOFIE (Amazed; rushes toward Darin.) You fool, you finally did it! Have you given up on life? Why did you get up? DARIN (Speaking with difficulty.) Ooh…I wanted…the dishes. SOFIE Damn the dishes. You were getting better. And now you went and did it again. DARIN (Tries to get up.) Help me get up. SOFIE (She tries to help.) I can’t. You weigh a ton. Wait, I’ll get David to help. DARIN No. It’s not necessary. I can…me myself. SOFIE “Me myself!” You look like a kufta, like a meatball lying there. Don’t move Mr. “Me-myself.” I’ll call David. (Calling, as she exits on the run.) David, oh David! Come here, right away. We’ve got an emergency here. DARIN (Lifts head cautiously.) If Sofie didn’t catch on this time, it means I’m putting on a good act. SOFIE enters with DAVID. SOFIE Help me get this man seated in his chair. DAVID (Surprised.) Is it poppa Darin? SOFIE Who else? DAVID What happened? SOFIE He’s paralyzed. DAVID How did he get paralyzed? SOFIE His arms and legs got weak, that’s how. DAVID Since when? SOFIE How would I know? I came in this morning. I’m calling Darin, Darin, Darin. He didn’t know I was here. Then he started getting better. I left him alone a minute to go back to the house. He fell apart again. DAVID (On his knees.) Poppa Darin, how are you? DARIN (Gasping.) Oh…fine. SOFIE He’s getting out of hand altogether. DAVID You came home and didn’t say a thing about any trouble here. SOFIE I didn’t want to spoil you dinner. I thought it was best to tell you later. DAVID If he was in such bad shape, why did you leave him? We could have eaten without you. SOFIE What am I, a slave? Who told him to get up? Help me get him up. DAVID I’ll handle it. SOFIE He’s heavy. You’ll pop your navel. DAVID I can’t. Remember, it’s double knotted. (He puts DARIN into an easy chair.) Poppa Darin, how are you? DARIN Oh, I’m all right. SOFIE All right? You can hardly breathe. But you think you can get up and dance a jig. DAVID What’s the matter with you, momma? SOFIE He’s ruined everything. He was all right for a while there. What devil possessed him? Look here, old man. If you don’t feel sorry for yourself, then pity us. You’ve worn out my soul since this morning. Stay put until your people come. Then do what you want. Turn somersaults, belly dance. Anything. In the meantime, stop showing off. Your system’s out of balance. DAVID I don’t know what’s with you, momma. Why are you getting so excited? Don’t worry about poppa Darin. There’s really nothing wrong with him. Maybe he’s had a very mild stroke or something. It’ll pass. I’ll go get the doctor. SOFIE His children will be coming any minute now. Let them call the doctor or whoever else they want. DAVID Poppa Darin, don’t take what momma says to heart. She’s got a bitter tongue, but a sweet soul. DARIN I…I know. SOFIE But he was well. You see now he can hardly breathe. DAVID It’s all right. It happens. It’ll pass. (To SOFIE) We can’t leave him until they come. He’s probably hungry. I’ll stay with him. You hurry up and get his meal. He’s got to eat. SOFIE Rosie will be bringing it any minute now. DAVID Poppa Darin, forgive me. I’ve got to get on the job. We just received some new earth bores for the Yerevan subway. We’re going to test them, today. They tell me they’re not just machines; they’re miracle makers. They eat up mountains and rocks in the wink of an eye. I’ll tell you all about it when I return. If there’s anything you want, let me know and I’ll bring it. SOFIE By the time you return, he won’t be here. DAVID How come? SOFIE When his sons come, they won’t let him stay here, anymore. DAVID But how can they take him in this condition? Let him stay here for a while. SOFIE Who’ll look after him? DAVID He’s got his family. His sons. Their wives. And there’s us. ROSIE brings DARIN’S meal. ROSIE Hello, poppa Darin. DAVID You feed him. I’m going now. SOFIE But you didn’t finish eating. DAVID It’s late. I’ll eat when I get back. Poppa Darin, momma’s made a great soup. You eat it and your pains will disappear. Hold on now. We’re supporting you one hundred percent. And remember, we’ve got a deal on. You’re going to be the first passenger on the Yerevan subway when it’s finished. Momma, please don’t hurt poppa Darin’s feelings. SOFIE All his nonsense burns me up. DAVID Burn up all you want. But don’t burn him up. DAVID kisses his wife and mother, smiles, waves goodbye to Darin and exits. SOFIE See what happened? Because of you, my son went off hungry. DARIN That’s terrible. SOFIE Now, I’m telling you for the last time. If you get up again, in the shape you’re in, I’ll let the devil take you. DARIN So what happened that’s so bad? SOFIE He gets up to clear the table. ROSIE How could you, poppa Darin? You know you’re not supposed to move around. We’re alive and well to take care of things, thank God. We don’t want you to clear off the table in your condition. DARIN I thought it would be shameful for them to come and see the mess. SOFIE Oh, it’s a shame, is it? All right, get up. Go and wash the dishes. Go on! ROSIE What are you talking about, momma? SOFIE I’ve had it. He’s driving me crazy. To hell with the damned dishes. He just about had it. I’ll show you what I’ll do with those damn…(Agitated, she goes into the kitchen, returns with the dishes and slams them onto the table.) Let his daughters-in-law come and clean up. Shut up and sit still! ROSIE Just rest, poppa Darin. I’ll clean up. SOFIE You go take care of your kids. I can clean up, too. But you know what my father used to say. ROSIE “Better to give them sass then be an ass.” SOFIE God rest his soul. They play mistress, I play maid? Never. What’s it to us if one daughter-in-law’s husband is a politician and the other’s is a song writer. Bring it here. ROSIE places a chair near Darin and puts a plate of soup and bread on it. DARIN I’m not hungry. SOFIE Force yourself. I don’t want to waste my breath. Rosie, hold the plate up. (Extending a spoonful of soup to Darin’s mouth.) Open up. DARIN I can feed myself. SOFIE You’re in no shape. We don’t have time to sit and wait for hours. The way you move, you’ll swallow one spoonful and spill ten. Open up. That’s it. Just like that. (He mouths a spoonful of soup.) Now another. (He swallows.) That’s good. Now one more. (He swallows.) That’s good. ROSIE Do you like it, poppa Darin? SOFIE (As she feeds him.) Why ask? It’s not the first time he’s eaten my cooking. Don’t rush. Chew, then swallow. (To ROSIE) I thought you were going to your mother’s. Take the children and go. ROSIE It doesn’t matter. I can go tomorrow. SOFIE (Still feeding Darin.) That’s good. Did you bring the ice cream? ROSIE Oh my, I forgot. (She rushes out.) DARIN I’m tired. SOFIE That’s good. Rest a bit. You see your chin straightened up again. Now if you’re smart and listen to me, you’ll be on your feet in a day or two. DARIN Sister Sofie, do you believe I’m sick? SOFIE What else? Are you putting on an act? DARIN Do I really look sick? SOFIE What are you raving about? DARIN Don’t I look well? SOFIE Oh sure. That’s why you’re acting like a three year old. You’ve had your rest. Open up. (Putting a spoonful of soup into his mouth.) That’s good. DARIN Listen, Sofo. If I look that bad, I could scare the kids. SOFIE No, no. Just the opposite. You’re beautiful. Open up. DARIN No more. I’m full. SOFIE Come on, this one too. (Bringing up a last spoonful.) And this is the last. There now, you were a good boy. (ROSIE enters with ice cream.) Let’s feed him his ice cream and be done with it. ROSIE I’ll give it to him. SOFIE Fine, fine. I’ll take a rest. The door opens. Troubled and discomfited, ALEX, ANGELA, and LILY enter. ALEX Poppa, what’s happened to you? ANGELA How are you, poppa sweet? LILY It’s nice to see you, poppa dear. They surround Darin and hug and kiss him. ANGELA But you look fine, poppa. LILY Oh poppa dear, you gave us a fright. ALEX What happened to you? I mean, yesterday you were dancing and singing. SOFIE He’s feeling pretty good at this moment. He just ate his fill and now he’ll have his dessert. ALEX (Looking at the dish.) Rosie, what is this? ROSIE Ice cream. ANGELA Can poppa have ice cream? SOFIE Oh, for God’s sake! ANGELA What did he have to eat? ROSIE (Sharply.) Beef noodle soup. ANGELA What’s wrong with you? Beef is hard to digest. DARIN Oh no, it was good. ANGELA No, poppa. It can’t be. Soup is too heavy for you. SOFIE His legs may be weak, but his stomach isn’t, thank God. He’s got a mill stone in there that grinds up anything. ALEX Momma Sofie, we’re certainly grateful for all you’ve done. LILY Don’t mind us, momma Sofie. It’s just that we’re very worried about poppa. We’re afraid he’ll suddenly take a turn for the worse. ANGELA What’s there to get mad about? Poppa’s condition is such that we’ve all got to be careful. Really, the soup was unnecessary. Something light would have been preferable. ROSIE Well now, you can feed him something light. LILY We…we haven’t brought anything. SOFIE So you’ve come empty-handed. Couldn’t you have set aside a bowl of what you cooked and brought it with you? LILY To tell the truth, the idea never crossed my mind. ANGELA I didn’t cook anything today. ROSIE Well then, isn’t our soup better than whatever it is you didn’t cook and didn’t bring? ALEX Touche, Rosie. Let me finish feeding him. LILY I’ll…I’ll feed him. ANGELA I’m his favorite daughter-in-law. He can only be fed by my hand. ROSIE Stop arguing. This is the last spoonful. LILY Did you enjoy it, poppa? ANGELA Poppa, let me wipe your lips. SOFIE (To ROSIE) Pick up our dishes. LILY I’ll take them in. ANGELA Leave them, Rosie. We’ll wash them. SOFIE You can wash yesterday’s dishes. ANGELA Oh poppa, you didn’t let us clear off the table and neither did you! SOFIE By the way, where’s Robert? ALEX He’ll be here any minute now. LILY He went to get a doctor. SOFIE Brother Darin, forgive us if anything was lacking. I hope you get better soon. Little by little. Don’t forget us. ALEX We thank you for everything, momma Sofie. You’ve been more than a neighbor. You’ve always looked after him like a relative. SOFIE Not only your father. You, too. I’ve rocked you and your brother in my arms many a time. Now that you’ve become respectable and responsible men, you come and go without even saying hello. ALEX I guess I just forget. ANGELA Alex is always preoccupied. Sometimes he doesn’t even see me when he walks into the house. ALEX We’ve always loved and respected you like a mother. SOFIE Oh sure. That’s why you didn’t even invite us to your father’s birthday party. ALEX It was an oversight. ANGELA You don’t invite neighbors to birthday gatherings. Those who feel congratulations are in order, drop in. ROSIE We dropped in and offered our congratulations before the party started. LILY You should have stayed. ROSIE We’re modest folk. We don’t go about crashing parties. ALEX Rosie, you know you have a standing invitation for all our get-togethers. We’re like family. I grew up with David. SOFIE And you were born on the same day. LILY Really? ROSIE That’s right. Twins from different mothers. ROBERT appears in the doorway with the doctor. ROBERT Enter please, doctor. Hello, father. Oh, you look good. What was all the excitement about? SOFIE He almost died. David and I just about revived him. Darin, your chin just twisted out again. That’s the way it’s been—out-in, in-out. ROBERT Don’t worry about anything, father. You know whom I’ve brought? The best doctor in the country. He’s going to wave a wand and get you on your feet miraculously. DOCTOR The patient cures himself. SOFIE He’s got weak arms and legs. DOCTOR You can’t move your legs at all? (DARIN nods.) And your arms? Lift them. Good. It’s plain to see. (He examines Darin’s eyes.) Stick out your tongue. SOFIE Doctor. His arms and legs are paralyzed. Why are you looking at his tongue and eyes? DOCTOR (Smiling at Darin.) Is she your wife? SOFIE His neighbor. His wife got sick and passed away years ago. DOCTOR Does your father live alone? ROBERT He always has. DOCTOR I see. How long has he been in this condition? SOFIE Since yesterday. ANGELA No, no. Yesterday until late at night, he sang and danced. DOCTOR Oh, you had a party last night? ROBERT Yesterday was father’s seventieth birthday. We came over to cheer him up and celebrate his jubilee. ANGELA Poppa is the light of our family. As a rule we gather around him every year—sons, daughters-in-law and grandchildren. LILY And you should have seen how poppa danced yesterday. DOCTOR And after the party, you all went home and left him all by himself. Has your mother been dead a long while? ROBERT A long while. DOCTOR (To Darin.) Do you love your grandchildren? DARIN A lot. DOCTOR Your daughters-in-law? DARIN (Nodding.) Yes. DOCTOR Robert, why doesn’t your father live with you? I suppose you don’t have adequate space. ROBERT If we didn’t have the space, we’d create it for father. Either at my place or at my brother’s, our doors are always open to him. SOFIE Doctor, he doesn’t want to go. I don’t know how many times we’ve told him to. We can’t force him. DARIN (Nodding.) That’s true. That’s true. DOCTOR Tell me truthfully. Wouldn’t you like to live with your sons? DARIN (With difficulty.) I would. If they’d have me. ALEX What are you saying, poppa? What do you mean: if we’d have you? ROBERT We’ll have you right now. You can go with either Alex or me. DOCTOR Without a doubt. You can’t just leave him here all alone in this condition. (With a searching expression, he looks at Darin; then from his pocket, he takes out a small rubber hammer and without hesitating strikes Darin’s knee.) Uh huh. Have you ever been hospitalized? SOFIE We’ve been neighbors for forty years. I’ve never heard a moan out of him. ANGELA Poppa’s always had the strength of an elephant. LILY He’s always been in perfect health. DOCTOR (Taking Darin’s pulse.) Any problems with his heart? ANGELA Poppa’s got the heart of a lion. DOCTOR How’s his appetite? SOFIE Just a little while ago my daughter-in-law and I forced him to eat. DOCTOR He absolutely needs good nourishment. (Looks compassionately at Darin.) How shall I put it? It’s more than likely a mild stroke. It’s given him a slight paralysis on the left side. (Finishing his examination, he stands; then changes his mind.) Where’s the bedroom. Move your father in there. I want to examine his spine. ROBERT Alex, take father’s other arm. DOCTOR Not like that. Take him in the chair. You father’s carried you when you were young; now it’s your turn to carry him. ALEX and ROBERT lift DARIN in his chair and with the doctor enter the next room. ANGELA Poor poppa. LILY Ah poppa, who would have expected this to happen? ANGELA and LILY begin to clear the table. ANGELA (Stacking the dishes.) Momma Sofie, help me take the dishes into the kitchen. SOFIE (Hand to her back.) Ooh! LILY What’s the matter, momma Sofie? SOFIE A pain in my back. Rosie, quick give it a rub. Keep in mind what my father used to say and rub. Restraining a laugh, ROSIE goes to SOFIE and gives the appearance of being occupied with her. ANGELA takes the dishes into the kitchen with LILY. In a moment, the sound of dishes crashing to the floor. SOFIE An earthquake. Excited, ANGELA rushes in. ANGELA Oh, my foot. (Brushing a soiled spot on her dress.) I fell on the dishes. SOFIE It’s all right. I’ll come out with water. ANGELA Oh, my dress, my brand new dress. Rosie be a dear and bring me some vinegar to clean off the spots. ROSIE Right away. (She rushes out.) ALEX enters. ALEX Momma Sofie, do you have a thermometer? SOFIE Right away. (She exits.) ANGELA What’s going on? Did he finish the examination? We don’t want to be late for the concert. ALEX How can you think about the concert now? ANGELA Oh, come on. What could be wrong? He’s just feeling his age. ALEX Try to understand, Angela. It’s not proper. ANGELA What’s not proper is canceling a date we made with Charlie and Rosalind over a week ago. You know I’ve been running around for days trying to find a proper dress to wear to the concert. And why did I rush to get my hair done and nails manicured this morning? ALEX Darling… ANGELA Alex, if I’m your darling… ALEX Angela, don’t be stubborn. ANGELA This is a good opportunity to get close to Charlie. He’s a terrific contact. You’ll be graduating soon. If anybody can get you on the right road, he can. ALEX If it’s so important, you go. ANGELA Without you? ALEX Angela. Try to understand. I can’t. It’s my duty to stay with my father. ANGELA He’s been a father to me, too. You know how much I love and respect him. (LILY enters.) Let’s ask Lily to stay with poppa until we return from the concert. LILY I can’t stay. Robert’s got to attend a dinner in honor of Vietnamese guests. SOFIE bring in a thermometer and vinegar. SOFIE Here’s your thermometer and here’s your vinegar. The DOCTOR and ROBERT enter. DOCTOR For the time being, we’ll diagnose it as a mild stroke. For this type of patient it’s important to have emotional support. Once his temperature goes down, he’ll be on his feet. ROBERT Any medicine? DOCTOR For now, only care. ANGELA So poppa’s really well. He doesn’t need any medicine. DOCTOR No. Poppa’s not that well. His medicine for the time being is your love. LILY Poppa gets lots of that. DOCTOR That’s fine. ROBERT Maybe it’s best we put him in a hospital. DOCTOR I wouldn’t do that. He might get worse there. ANGELA I don’t understand. If our poppa is really ill, we ought ot take him to the hospital right away. LILY That’s right. They’ve got all kinds of equipment at hand…diathermy machines, whirlpool baths… ROBERT I think, doctor, that’s what we’ll do. The hospital. There, he’ll be under the continual observation of doctors. DOCTOR But it’s difficult to get this type of patient admitted into a hospital. LILY Why is that? ANGELA Are you trying to say they admit only healthy people? DOCTOR What I’m saying is that all sick people don’t belong in a hospital. Your stomach bothers you, the hospital; you bruise your nose, the hospital. Minor illnesses can be easily cured at home. Not to mention the fact that care at home is more attentive. Now your father doesn’t need a doctor so much as he needs you. That’s my course of treatment for him. From now on, don’t leave your father by himself. LILY I’ve never heard of such a course of treatment in all my life. ANGELA That’s an odd way to cure someone. DOCTOR Forgive me. Please take me seriously. Keep me informed of your father’s condition. Goodbye for now. ROBERT Doctor, the car’s outside. I’ll take you home. DOCTOR Ride to the patient. Walk home. Thank you. (He exits.) ALEX (After a pause.) Now what have we decided? ANGELA The hospital, of course. ROBERT That’s what I think, too. ALEX But the doctor said they might not admit a patient with this type of problem. ROBERT We don’t have to worry about such things. My assistant, Mr. Champion, will find a way to get father settled into a private room. ANGELA Terrific! That Mr. Champion of yours can fix anything. ALEX Maybe it’s not right to take poppa to a hospital just yet. ROBERT Where then? ALEX I’ll take him to our place. ANGELA Alex dear, yes, I’d take him this minute. But getting your father well is more important than taking him to our place. What more can you want—a private room, the best doctors? Robert, telephone Mr. Champion to make the arrangements. ROBERT That’s it then. Mr. Champion will come and we’ll take father to the hospital. I’ll telephone him from the corner. (He exits.) Darin’s voice can be heard from the adjoining room. DARIN (Off stage.) Where is everybody? Are you there? ALEX enters the adjoining room and after a moment pulls the chair in which his father is sitting to the doorway. ANGELA and LILY got to help. ANGELA Oh, dear poppa. LILY Poor sweet poppa. DARIN (With difficulty.) You just went and left me. ANGELA Poppa, we were having a meeting. LILY We decided, poppa, to take you away from here. DARIN To where? SOFIE To the hospital. DARIN But why to the hospital? LILY They’ll examine you there and make you well. DARIN I won’t go to the hospital. ANGELA But poppa, you must…to find a cure. DARIN My cure is you, to go with you, to be with you. LILY Poppa dear. We’ll come visit you every day. DARIN It’s not right putting me in the hospital. ALEX Calm down, poppa. You’ll come to our place. ANGELA He’s sick. He doesn’t understand. But you should. Poppa dear, you need serious medical treatment. You’re very precious to us. We can’t take any risks where your life is concerned. ROBERT returns. ROBERT Everything’s arranged. Mr. Champion will be waiting for us in a private room. Let’s go father. DARIN No. ALEX He doesn’t want to go to the hospital. ROBERT Father, dear father. You’re going to have a great time there. It’s enough for anyone to know that you’re my father. All the doctors will give you VIP treatment. You’ll have the run of the place and love it. DARIN I’m healthy. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’ll be on my feet in a couple of days. ROBERT All the better. The faster you get well the quicker we’ll bring you back. DARIN No. I’m not sick. You want to see me walk and dance? SOFIE Are you playing hero again? We just about brought you back from the dead. DARIN Oh, Sofie. SOFIE Don’t say another word. You’ve never been to a summer resort in all your life. Just imagine that you’re going to a summer resort. You’ll get better and be back soon. ROBERT Alex, lets get father moving. ALEX and ROBERT lift DARIN in his chair and begin moving off as ROSIE enters carrying a playing portable radio. ROSIE Poppa Darin, here’s your favorite song. It’s a beautiful melody. Where are you going? DARIN To a summer resort. To the accompaniment of the music, the sons, directed by their wives, take DARIN out in his easy chair in solemn fashion. CURTAIN